MY PROBLEM

as a baby if he cried. to them, he was either hungry or just tired.

never thought to question if the baby was in pain, something more he desired?

he would try nd draw them messages on the wall, but only to be punished.

his parents "taught him lessons" but he never passed. not one quiz.

was given "time outs" but those time outs to him were only "time ins"

see, he was locked physically but his mind was given FREEDOM and the FREE DOMinated him

the youngest of the family so to them he never knew anything

eventually took it to heart. agreed he didn't know anything

so he asked more questions then answers, never talked. always LISTENING

learning from not only his but their mistakes, he always LISTENed IN

listened in from the 6th step on the stairs where he could hear but wouldn't be SEEN

now no longer hiding. they could now see and hear him, but still not part of the SCENE

say im not old enough to UNDERSTAND, that theres still more to see.

no. they're just to full of pride, nd not willing to STAND UNDER me

like albert einstein. im not crazy,  just lost in truth's reality

friendlesss and pushed away from his family. 

nd its not an ANGER PROBLEM. it's just a PROBLEM that ANGERS me.

E equals MC squared was what he left behind

the equation to solve my family's problems = MINE.


dont take a walk in my shoes.
take a day in my head.
maybe then you'll understand

i miss drawing in the back of all my classes. 

MIND VS. HEART.

We broke up. I'm Now A LONE, but not ALONE.
I am never by MYSELF. I am always with MYSELF.
See,This BODY you SEE consists of THREE
it is ME and 2 others that live inside of ME.
These 2 never get along.
They Constantly argue, both arguments.. always strong
They Both have different answers to love's RIDDLE and me, im stuck in the MIDDLE
These 2 enemies. You know these two as the heart and the mind.
In the idea of love. always apart. Never combined
One tells me one thing, the other says another.
Its always the opposite. My Mind says I hate. my Heart says I still love her
Im stuck. Forgive? Im stuck in between what I need and what I want to
Heart says hold on but the mind reminds how there is nothing to hold onto unless she holds on too.
The heart makes it so easy to fall while the mind makes it so hard to be caught.
The heart is what could've or could be while the mind is what it is and what it is not.
The heart's advice is reminders of times I was left BREATHLESS and how good I felt when I FELT THIS.
The mind counters with how it reminded me to breath cus I might come regret this.
But the heart feels the only thing I should be regretting is ever regretting.
But regret comes from missing and the mind feels the only thing I should miss is not missing.
The heart's advice is encouragement of how I should look FORWARD to getting things BACK to how they used to be.
But the mind has its input. says it is okay to Reach back while looking forward, but to never look back while reaching forward of what is in front of me.
The heart doesn't mind the mind and the mind doesn't heart the heart. Eachothers worst enemy.
But see its okay
They both want the same thing, just in a different way
You see The disagreements. The war. is proof that they remain sincere friends to me.
They fight for the same cause. They both only want whats best for me.

MY ROOM

my room.

it is still the nest i sleep in, still the same one she flew out of.

her broken wings were confused feelings, nd i cant even count of.

cant even count the times i tried to jump out and save her

shouldn't of done it. she wanted freedom, why try and slave her?

see she was going to have to adjust for it; the wind.

she felt like she was ready but i hated it; just come back in.

the wind's of other's turbulence guided her flight elsewhere as their hands were placed on her

I didn't see that, I saw her flying in the cold without a place to go. turned my cold shoulder into a pillow. just in case. for her.

i fell asleep, woke up to the sun. sky now a lot clearer

everything changed. try and look out to the world, but all i see is this mirror

the reflection of me hasn't been in her presence,but i could still see her

the reflection hasn't heard her voice, but i could still hear her

the reflection hasn't felt her touch. and even still... i could still feel her.

but see this mirror isn't a mirror. it's my window.

its the same window we together looked out at the world through

but after all that we have been through

its just a reflection of what we had and threw

or should i say what we were thrown through

because. see i lost my wings when thrown and now i'm stuck. she flew.

and I never learned to fly, I thought shed be the one to teach me.

thought what we had was flight and destruction would never reach me.

over time we have lost all the things we shared, all except for one.

all except for my nightlight; the moon. she still sleeps under the same one.

so i send messages. some whispered, some spoken and some ALOUD TO

I say goodnight every night but i know she doesn't hear it. reality decides that she's not ALLOWED TO

These messages couldn't go to waste. had to find a way to give em value and finally.. finally, i found how to.

i eventually started writing these things down. they form the poem expressing how i feel about her being read here. here ALOUD to you.

thank you.

INSECURITY

INSECURE:not confident in one's self; not firmly fastened?/

no, being INSECURE is a reminder. reminds us that anything can happen./

it keeps us humble, INSECURITY is being IN SECURITY/

being INSECURE is being IN a SECURE place, it is confidence that is impurity!!/

Be insecure nd youll grow, be confident nd remain the same person you are today/

cus see iv tried being confident but confidence is ignorance and it runs away/

confidence is a bitch, it shies away while insecurity is here, here to stay/

thats why I hold on to INSECURITY /

when it matters, insecurity always stands nd fights here with me.../

straightenupyouract.

RADIO?DIE.

do more then just hear it. feel it nd LISTEN/

dont follow the crowd. dont join the group. dont LIST IN/

we listen to things we can RELATE to. we live while you HOPELESS just dream/

they are the things you aRE LATE to. we HOPE LESS with an honest self esteem/

stand for how we feel, never learned to swim the main stream/

when life puts you UNDER, it helps you hold your GROUND/

understand what i said? life puts you down, this helps you hold your ground/

this that im talking about is real fckn music. its the UNDERGROUND/

what you hear is for the lazy. don't wanna search cus its so hard to be found/

do yourself a favor: turn off your radio nd listen to EVERYTHING you forgot to keep/

hip hop is in EVERY THING. no matter the depth. this.. this shit is deep/

like what i just wrote? this lyrical content...this is just a sneak peak!/

nd to those who lost hope: hip hop never died, yall just fell asleep!!!

enoughaboutpussymoneyhoesndbitches.

moreaboutlifelovehateandotherrealshit.

thesoftneedhardcovers.

Please MIND my MIND to see this/

My PIECE of MIND is my MIND in PIECES/

But don't walk in my shoes, i'm daring you to MIME my MIND/

Its one of a KIND but its the opposite of KIND/

want someone to live in my head. wish there was a REAL LEASE/

to see how I built a wall to keep the REAL from being RELEASED/

want you to see that Just cus I am PEACEFUL. it does not mean that I am FULL of PEACE/

thesoftneedhardcovers. ♥

FALSE IDOL

He used to do everything just because, he never used to COMPLAIN/

he Used to be my idol, had so much to offer. now hes just beCOME PLAIN/

He taught me what it meant to respect nd when it was right to DISS GUYS/

turns out he only preached but never walked. the advice was his DISGUISE/

used to be the person i wanted to grow up to be like but see he has this HABIT/

sometimes i wonder if things like this could be forcefully passed down. afraid, cus I dont wanna ever HAVE IT/

we used to be a team. he held us together. something like a MASCOT/

somewhere from a hero to a false idol. putting on his MASK he was CAUGHT/

I DIDNT LOSE HOPE, HOPE LOST ME.

a wolf howls at the moon. he does it to signal his PRESENCE

he takes his time to make it clear and complete. he never PRE SENDS

writes things like this to let em know theyre not the only ones up late and struggling with what the world PRESENTS:

"i don't want to conquer, just wants others to UNDERSTAND

that I want nothing to STAND UNDER me. I'd rather not command

born without a choice to COME AND leave I hate the forced HABITAT

real reason to be breathing, its a place my own wouldn't HAVE IT AT

see I felt I had a purpose. trained but never rewarded. turns out all just a pointless fight

nd its cus of that, that i wont LIE. even if it mean having no one to LIE next to at night

I DIDNT LOSE HOPE, HOPE LOST ME. but its ok, I never want to go back.

why make who i would love suffer? as an alpha iv decided to not start a pack."

just.wanna.say.thankyou.

to.those.who.take.the.time.to.read.this.

nd.even.more.to.those.who.message.me.in.reply.to.these.

i WRITE cus it makes me feel RIGHT.

AT A FIST, BUT IT DOESNT MEAN RESPECT ANYMORE

could rage the truth to be CLEAR OR

or make my face a mirror w/ blank STARES

makes the reflection of you CLEARER.

you haven't changed. easy way out=elevator. i, the STAIRS.

if you wondered: was just GIVING UP. you were never UP to GIVING

no FORGIVING. you wouldnt even know what youd be GIVING FOR

payback could be a bitch, but i wont BE LOW. youll just stay in debt to me.

selfish nd unappreciative. you're not 6 feet BELOW but still... your dead to me.

found peace

then the index came down

then the middle did.

now, im at a fist but it doesnt mean respect anymore.

THIS WAR. I AM NOT AT PEACE.THIS IS JUST MY WAR IN PIEC

she never asked her EX WHY,

X comes before Z. but he skipped it. WHY?

shes confused. thinks it was the ECSTASY 

no, there are no good feelings in his alphabet. it goes straight. from X TO Z

her vowls. A,E,I,O,U and SOME TIMES Y

it was A(grEEd) that I OWEd YOU. the SUM: doesn't MULTIPLY WHY.

it simply happened after the X'S and O'S

not the man i used to be...

LUNATIC.

the MOON is a LUNA & the SUN is a SOL. 
see,during the day i play a SON. the SON of my SOUL
im a ticking time bomb. every MINUTE that iM IN IT i TIK.
& at night i explode.i life the lives of dark and light. i'm a LUNA TIC.

some call it a gift, i call this a curse.
there.is.no.way.out.

TRUST.

the TRUSTED, they need some TRUST EDucation.
no need for AN EXPLANATION in AN EX PLANNED NATION.

no I in trust.

GEEOHHDEE

word to (G)aining my (O)wn (D)efinition.

not FORGOTTEN, she JSUT FORGOT nd:

when you REMEMBER, gunna have to start over. but youll only search to never RE - MEMBER/
nd thats when you'll realize that your MISTAKE wasn't just something you MISSED TO TAKE. this was alot better./

RELIGION

beliefs made [this man| this man] made belief/
to (BELIEVE) in who iv decided to (BE) when i (LEAVE)/

I couldn'thavesaiditanybetter.

VISION.

just because something was lost doesn't mean it's gone/
See, Lights don't turn off. The darkness turns on./

< / 3 ?

a broken heart. it doesn't need to be REPAIRED.
the break has a purpose. it adjusts. pREPAREs
has to adjust to who is next to love. RE PAIRED.


sheneedstocometogripswiththis.

?

life, she tells me it's not gunna happen. says its IMPOSSIBLE.
but she hasn't met the person iv become. I'M POSSIBLE.

BEAUTY

Girls want forever but can't face the cocoon it's in.
Always fail to fly. Wings aren't broken. Just never broken in.
the wing's colors are given. still blank canvases.
the wing's patterns make the pattern. The pattern to find us here.

tell me the things I write are depressing.
I'll just say I'm pressing deeply into the truth.

IRONY

MY SELF-ESTEEM 
is MY SELF IN STEAM
no breaks, I am always running
its a never ending process: IRONing IRONy.

SUFFER

told its gunna be a while. that i should just WAIT
but at times it gets heavy nd hard to bear the WEIGHT
told itl be worth it. to be PATIENT nd just remain calm
but at times i feel like a dying PATIENT. just don't have that long
tell me to keep my heart full of hope nd let it travel through a VEIN
constantly pulling but scared there's nothing at the end of the rope. suffering in VAIN?

HUMBLE

i dont say much, so when i do it says alot more/
dont do much either cus even that does more/
[HUMBLE], no need to voice it/
It's never heard. i just [HUMB] the [BULL]  shit./

HELP.

i tried faking emotion, tried to have fun.i tried being SENSELESS/
i just wanted to feel something,but in the end id only SENSE LESS/
now i cant seem to smile or cry, feel like A PATHETIC/
numb. just dont seem to care anymore, stuck. im so APATHETIC/
i used to be proud. now just i miss when i could be SENSITIVE/
need someone to fill in the blank. "tony, you would SENSE IT IF ____"/

LOVE'S EQUATION.

your unsolved equation. my beliefs are the FORMULA.
add to subtract nd subtract to add, imma FORM U LOVE.
due date is in the future. see, one day well be TOGETHER,
one day it'll make sense. what i've done TO GET HER.

everythingisachoice

remember em nd be forgotten or forget em nd be remembered.
ignore em to be noticed or notice em to be ignored.

IVAN BARONA

our friendship:see i never THINK to STOP it/
its just the distance. I cant run, swim, or walk it/
so i just STOP to THINK of it sometimes/
see my brother (Ivan Barona) is miles away nd iv heard that time flies/

< 3

i never COMPLIMENT a girl, i COMPLY with what she's MEANT to me/
i never tell her she's BEAUTIFUL. she is the opposite: FULL of BEAUTY/
we are enough. no need to stuff her/
the simple things. thats enough for her/

STRENGTH

Strength; it's not how strong you can build something or how hard you can make it fall...
Strength is resistance, to watch it grow or fall without doing anything, nothing at all...
Its Not about letting things out or holding them in...
Strength is the wall that stands in the middle of keeping things out or keeping things within...

if we learn from all our mistakes, call me a fcknn geniouss.